Heart of a Doula
A Glimpse into my story
I entered into my first birth as a doula with aspirations to become a midwife. Work hard, learn from being a doula, save up until I can afford to finish school. In a moral effort to help change the birthing industry, support women and create an emphasis on birthing justice. Birth doula to Midwife sounded like a great plan. I had a deep connection with the mother I was supporting during that first birth. I felt the trust in her eyes and her heart. I didn't expect the intensity of the incredible feeling when a mother is transitioning through labor and is looking to you for safety, advice and information. I felt important, not in a way that was personal, myself couldn't have been farther from my mind. Important in a way that had everything to do with community. A sense of belonging, and an identity larger than my own, a sense of dharma. (dharma: inherent purpose, or life duty) A duty to support.
I watched the midwives that day with diligence. As they moved through tasks, procedures, vaginal checks. It almost appeared robotic, something about the process was off-putting to me. As the beautiful baby boy began to crown, I watched the crowd of labor/delivery nurses, baby nurses, midwives, etc begin cloaking themselves in layers of plastic garments. Easily compared to quarantine outfits during the pandemic. Mama looked at me in fear, fear of the eyes glooming at her, fear of the plastic covering every inch of the personnel, who we had a hard time convincing ourselves were human in the first place. It wasn't the birth itself that struck the fear, but the environment.
In that moment as I helped coached breath work to the first mother I would ever support I realized, I am here to support the mental and spiritual well being of mothers. Although the three of course tie together, Mind, body, and soul. During that first birth I found the three separated from each other and throughout my career and studies I see that fear almost always comes through the physical body, or outside factor that affects the physical body. Although birth doulas can assist in position, pressure points and comfort measures the management of the physical body is left to the medical personnel.
Today birthing fear can accumulate within the brain or your spiritual body but most often fear in pregnant mothers is directly connected to hospital birth, or the fear based birth culture that has been created solely to keep profiting off of women during labor and birth. There are too many procedures/policies to list that interrupt the delicate flow of labor. To circle back, I saw the ones who interrupted this natural flow/timing of labor were the hospital staff. I don't believe this is due to lack of morals, lack of care, but I do believe it has to do with the style of education, hospital policies and the doctors these staff work under.
That first time in a labor room I quickly realized my dharma is to alleviate the uncomfortability modern society places on pregnant/laboring women. I commend and strongly admire all the midwives out there that saw the falsies and lack of care within the hospital and then transitioned to home or birthing center practices. Everyday working as a doula and supporting mothers I am reaffirmed of what I love to do. To me, being a doula is to hold mothers hands, create a safe space of communication and vulnerability, to advocate for mothers wishes throughout the entirety of pregnancy and to continue educating myself and others on evidence based practices.
I think every doula would say they're “doula heart” comes from someplace different, a moment that open their mind, a day of helping a friend in need, etc, for me this passion comes from my belief that the only way we can truly bring meaning and balance into this world of chaos is by making choices that reflect and grow our character. Through acts of kindness, charity, community, and especially doing these acts when no one is looking or there is no reward. This moral theory relates back to early stoic philosophers. As a doula I aim to give back, spread support and help every mother I meet feel more empowered than before! Motherhood and those who hold the mother have everything to do with community, and a connection to each other we have lost as women over time.
